Being around really cool people can sometimes feel a little depressing. I was just around a bunch of people, all of whom I think are really cool, for several days.
I feel like an excessively flawed person nearly all of the time. Sometimes I’m okay with it and I feel nice knowing many of those flaws have a positive side, and sometimes I just hate it and feel like I’ve fallen behind on dealing with my shit. I am certain that other people see many of the same flaws that I see in myself (if not all of them), and I am also certain there are flaws I have that I have not yet discovered that other people can already see.
I wish I could be more open about this, and I think I wish for this because I worry that it’s unclear that I’m working on my flaws, because I feel like I’m doing such a bad job at it but I want people to know I'm trying so they can feel a bit better about forgiving me. But, it’s hard to put into words, especially words that don't seem cringey and trite. It's even harder to find the right time to express them. Perhaps these are the even the kind of thoughts that are better left unspoken outside of therapy chats (maybe I need a therapist).
Clothing seems like an interesting medium for these thoughts, because unlike expressions of spoken language, there is minimal obligation to engage even if you’re right next to the person expressing their thoughts through their clothing. And in fact, if the thought is expressed a certain way, perhaps it requires no engagement at all in order to achieve the goal of fostering a sense of solidarity in our collective moments of self-hatred. At least I think they’re collective. Maybe that’s just some theory of mind shit but I’m almost sure it’s not just me.
Maybe someday I’ll get around to actually trying some embroidery - this seems like it could be a fun design to start with.